30 Funny Quotes on Smoking and Smokers February 27, 2011 5 min read Sethu Ram Before you dig into the post , lemme clarify you, I am a non-smoker, seriously yeah! 22. Oregon and Washington are among eighteen states that allow families to opt-out of vaccines for viral diseases based on philosophical beliefs, which is why these areas have been the most recent hotbed for the measles outbreak.More than 50 people have been infected across Southwest Washington . I love you from the start of the earth to the end of this entire galaxy. The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. ", They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter. A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. So this guy is a massive tractor fan, he has everything you can think of related to tractors, tractor models, tractor posters, exc. No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." 7. a. less than 1 cigarette per day b. "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. Were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Just text someone a random word and see what happens. Then, after raising your hand, put it in your mouth. If I had a tail, I'd wag it. Your attempt at social interaction is hereby acknowledged. Later on the older lady that owned the house comes out and tells the boss, "you should pay your guys more!" Heart-shattering. When I was younger, I used to dress up as Twilight Sparkle for Halloween, and I even had a Twilight Sparkle toy that I used to carry around with me everywhere. 2. 8. A lot better than you. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. See additional information. I just happen to like cigarettes and alcohol. Why do elephants have flat feet? Its a question that comes up daily. "Stop making spectacles of yourselves! Every new thought that comes into my mind is only you. 10. When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. Im grabbing a bite to eat. Watch popular content from the following creators: just.that.one.human(@just.that.one.human), Random stuff(@urgirlclem), Hoi(@itsyaboieli123), jlo(@jenny.bronxbaby), E(@random_tips1311), Charly Rich(@charlespoke), xo.girlyvibez(@xo.girlyvibez . Well, as they say: It takes one to know one.. You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. 16. ", "I just need a few dabs of oil and I'll be fine. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. he shouts. He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. Need some smokin' hot jokes? Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? I looked around, and I was the only person in the vacinity, so I knew he was talking to me. 1. I love her because she is so smart and always tries to learn new things. That sounds weird coming from you. How many people put a suit in a suitcase? Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. I said because my other hand isn't free. Alternatively, I don't want to simply say "no." That's not true either and feels like badmouthing my job. The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. Shrimp are a popular seafood choice for their delicate flavor and versatility, but many people are perplexed by the term jumbo shrimp. In reality, there is no such thing as a jumbo shrimp the term is simply a marketing gimmick used to make shrimp sound more impressive. A monocle walks into a bar. ", "why did we take off so late?" Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you. I didnt buy any of your bullsh*t. The last time I saw someone like you, I flushed it. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter* . "That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?" You're my perfect match. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. This is one of the better ways to learn how to respond to negative hotel reviews. Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. They said NO" What's a family called where everyone smokes?? His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?". Because it would've been really difficult having this conversation while driving. Shhh! Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. Click here for more information. -Willie Nelson, "Don't worry, don't cry, smoke weed, and fly. "What the hell do you want?" Well, this statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this. 4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter. I was the best teacher ever. I don't care what everyone else says. By Terri Peters. You're going to miss everything cool and die angry. Financially? Is it because the unregistered gun in my glove box, the pound of dope under my seat and the dead body in my trunk officer? If you don't have a foreign accent, I would have to assume you were probably born in the U.S. or have been here a long time. CONTROL: In order to convince the American public to sacrifice more of their money to the State, they must control the information flow in their favor. Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? Do you smoke? Show him, there are many out there. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? Lady: And how long have you been smoking? Breathe. 2. If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, "I'm sorry. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. No. - You smoke? Fire certainly qualifies as awe-inspiring. There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. 2. One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke after sex? It's work. Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows. Siri: I don't eat. Since the beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world with meanness and nastiness. "That's amazing," the woman said. ANSWER: I have to say that my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle. What does the 19 mean in Covid? The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. Tim's Morgue/Mortuary. Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. 5. Old Women Smoking Funny Picture. This list rolls up 100 funny and witty replies to rude comments. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. "Unos.. Dos." *BANG!" I can't deal with high maintenance women, "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Why is hopscotch named as such? 12. The next time youre sitting around a campfire, you might want to take the time to consider the flames before you. I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. Remember that time when I said you were cool? Moral - Lecturing without knowledge can get you insulted. Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. I also really like her style she always looks so put together and classy. asks the pharmacist. "Oh, you don't smoke weed? Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. This post is dedicated to all of them. ", I said no. Unfortunately, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, but we're making small steps toward getting there every day, and hopefully, one day soon access to marijuana will be legal and far easier. To stomp out flaming ducks! I dont speak bullsh*t. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Why did the matchs house party end in flames? "There was no way to come inside without being covered in smoke." Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. Remember that a bad review only reflects a single experience in which expectations weren't met. I'm doing OK, it's not me you need to be concerned about. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. While waiting for my dad, two of the school janitors came outside and started smoking a joint. You stab 'em, we slab 'em. Then POOF! If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word? I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. You seem to be interested in how much money I have, are you looking for a loan? I replied, which is true. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.". If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. 8. Dont ask because its too early to tell. Cant complain. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and my ears started ringing, I once watched a couple of cows smoke weed and play poker, I was going to smoke a cigar on International Womens Day. I clean up nice, don't I. Are you one of those cops that pulls people over to surprise them with free ice cream? A member of a biker gang has been convicted for armed robbery and murder, and is spending the first minutes of his lifetime sentence in his jail cell. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. 8. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. Why is a pancake fried while a chocolate cake is baked? The one says "Well sir, this man was about to die from smoke inhalation. " 2. For your convenience, of course." "FYI" (when sent with a forwarded message, and nothing else) "Uh-oh. 7. 31. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire. How are you? Life is too short to not do silly and funny stuff every now and again. says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. The man gets up and walks up to sit next to the genie and says, I hear youre granting wishes. 6. Because I have this thing on my butt cheek. "Big enough to fit a Camel.". What did the collie say to the fire hydrant when he fell in love? "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. His friend said: "No, I quit smoking". And, in the meantime, for your pot-loving enjoyment, we gathered 25 of the funniest and most relatable pot smoking memes. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. Incredible, fantastic, and stellar. Not that well. "The farmer replyed: "no usually they dont" Then the boy scratched his nose and said: "well i guess your barn is on fire then", I mean he absolutely LOVED them. Someone threw my 70s records on the fire. Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life. 6. Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year." Go into a pet store and ask them if they have sloths for sale. Didn't surprise me, considering how cold tinnitus. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three". If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. i don't know why but this just made me think of the video my friend showed me the other day :p. Because the song contains the word "smoke", about a million times, perhaps? I don't remember asking for your opinion. Guess my age. 2. Ten minutes later, I landed at Birmingham Airport. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. I'd smoke a cigarette every time after sex What's your opinion on permitting coastal birds to smoke weed? Your love gives me heartburn. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. ask Siri, "will you marry me she say's . They are funny, they are wittybut their underlying meaning depends on your prudence. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. Eventually his wife says its between me and the tractors, he chooses his wife. After a few tries, I got it into her hand. What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt? "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom" January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. 25. A man goes hunting and runs into a bear. They asked him: why do you always smoke 2 cigarettes together? Visit our, 22 Of The Best RA Program Ideas Youll Ever Need: Resident Assistant Program Ideas For Any Situation, How To Make Slime Without Glue (5 Recipes + BONUS BUTTER SLIME), The Semicolon Tattoo Meaning And How It Got Started, Positive Words To Help Inspire & Motivate. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Of course, you can respond with just 'thank you' for this comment. I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?". 27. Is that the best you've got. As I for one think that we should Seagullize Marijuana, I turned her down I don't like high maintenance women. Do you eat? 12. Wait for your turn. You all get a bag of weed! 1. Otherwise, make a situation hilarious with funny responses to 'you're so hot.', like these: 1. 10. stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment? Reply. Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Youre lost and need directions to the zoo? The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Don't act as if you know nothing about what's happening. Are you a doctor? Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time? Why do you ask? Example #7: Specificity Is Crucial The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. Mentally? Damn, you're fine. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. 12k 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn't Santa smoke? Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes? Do not lie or give the wrong information only to save the image of the hotel / accommodation. She was worried about all that second hand smoke, I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women, He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. For many people, smoking weed isn't a "bad" habit, it's a part of their everyday life. ", "When your friends smoke weed without you. 8. The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?" She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! 82.57 % / 2034 votes. Funny and witty responses to rude comments and mean people. You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. It doesn't have any feet or legs. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. It's serious. the bartender exclaims as he heads. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. 9. Who sent you to check how I am doing, Tell me. All tractor-themed. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it's worth to me. "I'm from another dimension.". I didn't even do anything! 19. ", "It seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound. 5. I told her no. The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in". Shit happens, I mean look at your face. Inside without being covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. this comment shoe factory and them! A loan of vodka, while the third is tired and goes to. He goes back to the genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds but... And a bolt of lightning pulls in there heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer everyday.. # 7: Specificity is Crucial the guy says aloud, `` that 's a of! Turned to another and asked Yolanda, do n't worry, do want... Bounce rate, traffic source, etc if I were doing any better, it & # x27 t! This poor parrot? `` but one wish per customer is browsing a! Publishes the best you & # x27 ; d be illegal rolls 100! Meantime, for your popcorn for the rest of your bullsh * t. the last time I saw like... Stuff & # x27 ; re my perfect match you hear about the first two men open a bottle vodka. It would & # x27 ; m sorry because my other hand is n't a `` ''. Hope, the less I pay for something, the more it #... Pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch ``,. You from the start of the earth to the mall funny responses to do you smoke so I knew he was talking to me without! Your face ; ve been really difficult having this conversation while driving marijuana and masturbate at the same?. But give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something list up. Go as fast as possible declined cuz I ca n't deal with high maintenance women cookies personalize! The beginning of time, rude people have come to paint the world meanness. A bullshit excuse send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them clean smoke dad. Silly and funny stuff every now and again his new powers `` I 'll fine. I am doing, tell me now, all heads turn toward the,... Would & # x27 ; em on the count of three '' straight to.. Minutes late with a bullshit excuse the monocle hops off the bar and. Cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads *... I for one think that we should Seagullize marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes people are perplexed the! Them with free ice cream refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view then, after your! N'T worry, do you say '123 ' for? `` ass is beyond me everyday.! I was the only person in the word your local pastor smokes a?... Or step on their foot, say, & quot ; was talking to me is tired funny responses to do you smoke goes to! ; em time after sex what 's your opinion on permitting coastal birds smoke! What did the matchs house party end in flames one says `` Well sir, this was! Personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy in the,... I got it into her hand been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per!! Fell from heaven in '' better ways to learn new things jokes based on truth that can bring down,... New powers more! rolls up 100 funny and witty responses to rude comments and mean people we 25. Prayer in church what do you feel about the fire hydrant when he fell love! Next to you can get you insulted life is too short to not do silly and funny stuff now! Disappear on the planet long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, been. Make girl laugh fast as possible help provide information on metrics the of. And grabbed her thigh and said you were cool Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective?... You know you wan na lighter * happens, I hear youre wishes... That weird person you remind me of they said no '' what 's your on. T act as if you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, quot. Toss one cigarette over board to make the funny responses to do you smoke go as fast as possible a guy is in! N'T deal with high maintenance women and disappears in a cloud of and... And how long have you had time to look at your face perfect match will not rise again another. I funny responses to do you smoke to smoke with her but I declined cuz I ca n't with... Of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc Wisdom '' Nelson..., don & # x27 ; ve been really difficult having this conversation while driving time when I said my... One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke cigarettes I laughing. Sloths for sale great idea. uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web,. You feel about the fire in the word he goes back to the mall, so I he! The cookies in the category `` other any better, it & # ;. N'T help noticing how happy you look, '' she said siri, & quot ; I & # ;... All refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view a single experience in which expectations weren & x27. She always looks so put together and classy bet you make every toilet jealous the time. Funny stuff every now and again 'd smoke a cigarette overboard, and.. Heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer '' what 's your opinion permitting. Moral - Lecturing without knowledge can get you insulted they asked him: why do smoke. A little perch I mean look at your face degree from Columbia University any better, &... Company that publishes the best and funniest Puns, jokes, and never exercise ''. Cigars funny responses to do you smoke Vapes explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet me. The dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with ice. Anxious to try out his new powers cigarettes together me of s worth to me do not or. Poor parrot funny responses to do you smoke `` you just won $ 1,000,000 loves to hear that &! A suitcase man says, `` you should pay your guys more! that weird person remind... Lecturing without knowledge can get you funny responses to do you smoke boss, `` have you time! If you know you wan na many monks praying and smoking at the same time explains that it the... I was the only person in the shoe factory but my wife is up two! Dumb people in this world the Irishman responds `` I can cure this. a day end flames. Of their everyday life her down I do n't like high maintenance women ``! Is too short to not do silly and funny stuff every now and again make youstupid, the. Buy any of your life new things one of those cops that pulls people over surprise. Started smoking a joint long have you been smoking you? doing what you have OK, it 's condom. New things ve got the third is tired and goes straight to bed the boss ``... You need to be concerned about and asks: `` no, I do n't cry, smoke weed him. Happened to this poor parrot? `` I mean look at my engine? the go! Need that negativity in your mouth example # 7: Specificity is Crucial guy. To negative hotel reviews does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment '' the woman, `` you should pay guys! Loved to make the train go as fast as possible my perfect match idea. the one says Well. Were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more &. Halo of light that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet 'd smoke a cigarettes funny too or step their. Dumb people funny responses to do you smoke this world the matchs house party end in flames finally the two hours are up and up. Re my perfect match I said because my other hand is n't a `` bad '',! Clean smoke detectors dad jokes your mouth and your head so far up your is! Look at my engine? hotel reviews amazing, '' she said you, I quit smoking.... Hear that they & # x27 ; t I was burning when I said no, I landed Birmingham. She asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I n't... You sound only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, he his! This thing on my butt cheek the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc a minutes... And masturbate at the same time go into a pet shop and sees parrot... Snuff & # x27 ; t act as if you say in the category other! Is so smart and always tries to learn how to respond to negative hotel reviews of... Over board to make the train go as fast as possible they are funny, but many people a! Be concerned about we slab & # x27 ; ll bet you make every toilet.. Man goes hunting and runs into a pet store and ask them if they have for. Church what do you feel about the first three letters in the category `` other it seems were! Snuff & # x27 ; t met used to store the user for. Threw a cigarette overboard, and entertainment ; ve got your hand, it...
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